A friend from Australia called me recently and asked me what’s wrong. After all the chaos of the past few months, the problem of my discomfort was getting clearer as the pain kept receding.
For the first time, I could explain to her what I actually felt without it sounding desperate or frustrated because for the first time I could sense it very clearly.
I told her that up until six months ago, I had this powerful spark that kept me going. It was as if life itself with its full force was gushing out of me. I had the power in me to move mountains if I wanted or even change the landscape of my reality. And then I lost at one thing that I was preparing for, my whole life, Love!
When the time came I gave it my all, dedicated every aspect of my consciousness, tied my every breath to it and took that leap of faith.
It broke me and it felt as if life itself got sucked out of me. Since then I have been stuck in a pattern, a pattern where whenever I take two steps forward I get pushed back three.
The best way to describe it is a feeling of failure. Before I even try to stand up to move on, I know I am going to fail. And I haven’t been able to shake this feeling off.
She said I am stuck in a “funk”, a negative cycle, where everything I seem to do, fails.
Then I said to her, that I really need help.
I was expecting her to brush off my cry for help but instead, she said its brave of me to ask for help.
At that point, it felt like as if a load got lifted off of me and I broke down for it was the first time someone understood what I had been going through and didn’t judge me for it.
She promised to hold me up until I got myself back together, and that thought itself gave me strength enough to stand up again.
Guess we all need help at some point in our lives, all we need to do is just ask !