Now What ?

It’s so crazy. I haven’t been able to write at all for so long.

Currently, my situation feels like being in a car about to crash, my foot stuck on the accelerator. In this twilight moment, the thoughts, or maybe the lack of them, have left me completely dazed. The wall gets closer and closer. I can already sense the impact.

Every night, I fear going to bed, because it only brings me closer to tomorrow. Things always seem so hopeless and fragile.

For the first time, I feel the loss of not having a friend. Somebody who would call and reassure me that he’s got my back. But I know no one is coming.

I am standing at the precipice. The ball of destiny, a round electric white sphere, races towards me, and on the other side is a deep, dark nothing.

No one is watching, and no one will know. It’s just me. What mask should I put on? For I have decided not to fall into the ‘nothing,’ leaving only one option: to face my destiny.

Innocence and fear, maturity and confidence, or naivety and courage are the masks I have to choose from. Well, there is no one looking, so whatever I choose now will determine how I emerge on the other side.

And yet, I lack the courage to be confident, which strikes fear into my heart.